Chaos
by JumpingBunny23
Summary: The gods are bored, and so is Deidara. A lonely girl needs to find happiness, and lo-no not that, she needs a friend. So join Zea as she gets 10 unwelcomed guests, one of which is a weasel, and see if she can not kill them for breaking her rules...and coffee mug. Rated M for swearing, blood, and Hidan.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Others worlds and cryptic girls.

A/N: no I'm not sorry about not updating. I'm busy and don't always have time. But when my head gets these funny ideas it does drive me crazy so I have to write them. And this story will be different than my others. Why? Because each chapter will be of a different element and character.

Enjoy!

"Kisame! I'm bored, un!" Deidara shouted from his bed. Kisame didn't even stop what he was doing while he replied, "Then go bother Itachi, or do something else. But don't bother me."

"Fine." And so, the blond bomber left the fish in search for a certain weasel to bug the hell out of. Little did any of the Akatsuki members know, that the gods were also bored and one of them came up with a great idea for entertainment and to make someone in a different dimension less cold-hearted. And all Deidara has to do, is annoy Itachi.

Deidara sulked through the hallways to the living room where he found his target sitting on the recliner, reading a book, again. He tried sneaking up behind Itachi to scare him, but..."What are you doing Deidara?" Yeah, his plans were foiled.

"Trying to scare you." Deidara grumbled under his breath.

"You know that won't work." Itachi said calmly (yeah, he's calm now but wait and see), swiftly turning to the next page.

"Well then I'm going to bug you with questions about your brother, un!" Deidara said, determined to annoy his arch nemesis. Itachi shut his book and was standing over Deidara with his Sharingan activated within a millisecond.

"What?" He demanded. The blond pyromaniac cowered before he suddenly got an idea, moving his foot into position; Deidara asked the question that would surely get him killed.

"Why do you defend him so much, un? Do you love him?" And with that Deidara took off down the halls with the weasel hot on his tail. "IT WAS JUST A QUESTION!" He yelled, gaining the other members' attention which led to several doors slamming open, which also led to the leader getting a headache and the gods' plan to take action.

~Meanwhile.~

"Zea, excellent marks on last weeks' math test." The teacher said; face glowing brightly as she looked at the silent girl in the very back in the corner of the classroom.

"Thanks mam." Zea replied going over the work she had to help someone with at work. Zea was a short, skinny girl, with brown hair that reached her lower back, chocolate brown eyes, full lips and big breasts with curves added along her body. This girl just received 100% for her math test, being able to count since she was put in school.

She knew something was going to happen that day. No one had bullied her since she arrived at school. Well she wasn't bullied every single day, but not being bullied and receiving such news on the same day has never happened before.

Before anymore news or so on could be shared the bell rung signaling the end of Monday. Zea packed up her books and headed out the door, making a bee-line for the gates. The second she put her foot outside the school, thunder went off.

"Shit...this is not good." Zea mumbled, heading straight for her apartment that wasn't far. See, Zea is 16 but also works part-time as a tutor, so her parents got her a small apartment because she was always busy and couldn't work with all the noise while living with them. So as soon as she reached the complex, it started raining. "Bloody idiotic gods." She nearly shouted as her books started to get wet.

Making her way up the stairs, Zea grumbled incoherent words until she reached her floor. She pulled out the keys to her apartment, but as soon as she put the key in the lock, a crash came from inside.

"That sounded like my expensive coffee mug...oh hell no!" She mumbled slamming the door open and heading straight for the kitchen to see the horror of a lifetime. Her mug, specially made for her, on the floor, in pieces, coffee and sugar spread out all over. Zea's eyes lifted to look at the place where her mug WAS to see someone from an anime that she watched not so long ago, in its place. Her eyes then roamed around the rest of the kitchen.

Kisame was on the counter, where her precious mug was. Tobi was in the fridge that stood wide open. Zetsu was hanging out the cupboard. Deidara was hanging on the ceiling fan. Kakuzu was in the sink. Pein was sitting on Konan's lap on the floor. She was standing on Hidan's face. And for some reason there was a weasel in the microwave.

Zea's face turned red from fury and she stomped on Hidan's face, shouting "WHO THE FUCK BROKE MY COFFEE MUG!?" And somewhere in the background there was curses being heard.

Heads shot up, except for Hidan since Zea was standing on his, and turned to the culprit.

"Who broke what?" Kisame asked, looking at the girl curiously. Her head snapped to look at him so fast that he wondered if her neck wasn't broken.

"You!" Zea shouted, suddenly being close enough to wrap her hands around his neck. Before she could start strangling him however, a scratching sound came from the microwave, making her freeze. Every head in the kitchen turned to see the weasel scratching the glass of the microwave. Zea and the weasel was gone before any other noises could be made, the microwave door standing wide open.

That didn't last long however, because... "Leader-sama, why are you sitting on Konan-chans lap?" Tobi asked from the fridge gaining everyone's attention. Laughter erupted from the other members before Kisame finally asked: "Guys, where is Itachi?" And that is how the search for said person began.

Meanwhile Zea was standing in her room glaring daggers at 'the missing Uchiha' that was currently a weasel on her bed staring at her curiously.

"How did I get stuck with you lot?" Zea questioned herself before locking the door to her room and out of nowhere grabbed an animal cage. She turned to the weasel (Itachi) with a blank face. "I do not allow animals in my apartment, so you'll be in here for the remainder of you weasel form." She said, a creepy, sadistic grin spreading across her face. The weasel gave her and the cage one look before bolting into the locked door. That plan didn't work, and so Zea lunged for him. Damn thing, being Itachi, avoided her grasp and started running around the room. "Get back here you little shit!" Zea hollered at the top of her lungs, going after the poor guy.

~Meanwhile~

The rest of the Akatsuki members were busy searching the small apartment for their missing member (who was being chased around a room by a mad girl at the moment). Kakuzu checked under the chairs/couches, noticing that they were of high quality, if he could only sell them (not gonna happen dork). Konan checked the closets. Kisame checked the bathroom, finding a lovely fishy in there (Kisame...fish are friends, not food). Zetsu checked the balcony, lovely plants that he wanted to examine (you are not a potted plant Zetsu, don't touch them). Pein checked the kitchen, and Deidara checked the room marked 'PRIVATE' (not a good idea blondie).

After 12 minutes of searching and finding no sign of the missing person, everyone regrouped in the living-room. "We couldn't find him, but I've found a few things that could be sold for some money." Said Kakuzu, looking around the room with a certain money-hog look in his eyes. The others nodded in agreement. That's when they heard a crash… or six.

"What is that strange girl doing?"Mumbled Pein as they all went to check on her, but found that her door was locked.

Inside the room Zea was chasing the weasel (Itachi) in circles around her room. The weasel jumped onto the shelves, which held her precious statues, and knocked six of them off. Zea didn't notice this (yet) as the crashes reminded her of her special coffee mug, which lay in pieces on the kitchen floor.

"KISAME! YOU'RE DEAD WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!" Was heard through the door. Everyone turned to said person with questionable looks.

"How does she…." Pein started, but another crash was heard from inside the room. "I don't want to know." He ended, heading for the living-room, the rest trailing behind him.

~Inside the room~

After running around the room more than 50 times trying to catch the damn weasel, Zea stopped and waited. As planned said weasel came flying at her, unable to stop, and crashed into the open cage. Zea locked it and glared at the weasel, again (I do not hold any guilt to harming Itachi). As soon as that task was done, she looked around her room. Broken R200 (each) statues on the floor, R1 000 lamp on the floor, dent in wall and 60 books of which cost R90 each, lay all over the floor.

Zea turned to the crook that committed this crime. "WHY?!" she yelled shaking the cage in all different directions, meaning: left, right, up, down, foreword, backwards, diagonal up both ways, diagonal down both ways, diagonal foreword both ways, diagonal backwards both ways. Now imagine: a weasel in a box, tumbling around again and again.

~Meanwhile with the gods~

"I know she's cruel and cold-hearted and all, but I never knew that she was that cruel." Hades announced. The other 124 gods looked from him, to the girl shaking the weasel like a blender, and back to him.

"Are you sure she isn't your daughter?" Asked Zeus. Hades started laughing hysterically. "I take that as a no then." He said to himself, the other gods nodding along in agreement.

Everyone then ignored the laughing lunatic when Cupid cleared his throat.

"So who do you guys think should fall in-love with her?" The little man in a pink tutu asked.

"Itachi." Said 50 of the gods, including Hades.

"Hidan." Said 1.

"Pein." Said 10.

"Zetsu." Said 5.

"Kisame." Said 50.

"Tobi?" Said the other 8.

Cupid looked at all of them and came up with a decision. "It's a tie between Itachi and Kisame, so I pick both and she will have to pick between the two herself." The little man said with a knowing gleam in his eye (knowing my ass, she is going to make weasel-stew with Itachi and sushi with Kisame).

~Back to Zea~

After shaking the cage, and the weasel, like a tumble-dryer, she glared at the weasel that stood with its legs spread but then fell down unconscious. "And you call yourself a ninja, Itachi? How pathetic." Zea grumbled putting the care in the corner of her room and started cleaning said room. Crying and growling about her broken statues (and wasted money) as she threw the pieces away, packing all of her books back on the shelves in alphabetical order (as they should be), fixing her bed and putting anything else out-of-place back-in-its-place. After the hideous task of reorganizing her wrecked room, Zea stomped out of it to clean the 'other mess' in the kitchen.

Opening her bedroom door and then slamming it closed, she made her way over to the kitchen, with curious Akatsuki members trailing after her, and started saying a nice string of curses that would give Hidan a run for his money.

"Fucking weasel, fucking statues, MY DAMN MONEY, stupid-ass fish, MY BLOODY BOOKS, my fucking kitchen, MY FUCKING EXPENSIVE COFFEE-MUG!" Zea yelled as she cleaned her kitchen. After that was done she turned to the other 9 Akatsuki standing IN HER KITCHEN. "GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN YOU FUCKING HEATHENS!" She screamed and kicked (literally) all of them out into the living-room.

~With the gods~

"Wow...she is so mean." Athena said in disbelief as they looked at the girl kicking the Akatsuki out of her kitchen.

~With Zea and the Akatsuki~

After kicking them out of her kitchen, Zea stomped into the living-room and glared at all of them. She then turned to Pein. "You are not the leader of this house, so do not think about bossing me around. I'm the one stuck with paying the bills so don't break anymore of my things. Zetsu, stay the hell out of my garden, you are not a potted plant unless you want me to chop you up and put you in a pot. Tobi, touch ANY of the sweets in this place and I will show you what is worse than the Sharingan.-" Said person put the candy back in the bowl and sulked towards the couch."-Kakuzu, don't think of selling my things or I will make you lose all of your hearts and money. Kisame, leave the fish in the bathroom alone or I will turn you into sushi and feed you to him -cue paling shark-. Konan, leave my papers alone, I don't want roses and origami things in my house. No one goes into the kitchen, I don't care how starved you are. No one goes into my room, unless you want a fate worse than death. And NO ONE goes into the room marked 'PRIVATE'. Is that understood?" Zea asked after the very long and tiresome speech. Nine heads bobbed up and down in fear. "Good." Zea said and stalked off to take a shower.

The Akatsuki looked at each other then at Pein who shook his head fast and pointed at Kisame. "What? Why me?"

"Because I said so. Now go ask her what her name is." Pein said kicking the fish after the girl.

Kisame sulked down the hall but stopped when Zea came out of her room and locked the door. She walked to the bathroom, with Kisame following and stopped by the door, turning to him. "What do you want?" She asked calmly. Kisame stared, and stared some more, and stared again.

"What is your name?" He asked after five long minutes of just staring. Zea gave him a look that made the air turn cold and his insides freeze.

"That is none of your, or anyone else's business. Now leave before I turn you into sushi." Zea said and locked the door after she stepped into the bathroom. Kisame stood outside for about 0.3 seconds after she left him before running to the others, crying.

"Aww look, the fucking fish is crying." Hidan mocked. Pein and Kakuzu slapped him on the head before turning to Kisame.

"So, what is her name?" Pein asked after Kisame calmed down and just sat on the couch.

"She said that her name is none of our business." Kisame said and curled up on himself.

Pein ran a hand down his face and shook his head. "That helps us a lot." He muttered.

A/N: and that's it for the first chapter, if you would be so kind as to leave a review for what you think, I would be very gratefull.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Rules, Regulations and Friday Nights

A/N: A review! Hallelujah! Now Guest, I know that stuff about Kisame, but he is stuck with a teenage girl, so it should make sense he doesn't know how to deal with the puberty hormones. And the rest of you: why you no leave no reviews? *puppy eyes*

Itachi: SHUT UP AUTHOR! I'm stuck as a weasel so the least YOU could do is be patient with the readers.

Whatever, really. I hope you enjoy watching me get dressed from your little cage weasel.

Itachi: SHUT UP!

NEVER!

Hidan: Damn bitch is scary, but she's got a nice bo-(tentacles wrap around mouth)

Kakuzu: Shut it! You'll spoil the chapter!

Thank you Kakuzu *hands over 30 000 ryo*, now on with the story!

Disclaimer: I own nothing of Naruto!

Where were we? Ah yes, the part where Pein was annoyed.

"So she didn't even give you a hint as to WHAT her name is?" Kakuzu asked. The shark in question shook his head after he calmed down from the scare of his life. Everyone sighed in defeat. I mean, they're stuck with a teenage girl for crying out loud! None of them have been near kids in YEARS! And a teenager that was busy with that-time-of-the-month is scary as shit, I should know because that's how I am.

"Can Tobi make a suggestion?" The masked man asked as he lifted his hand in the air like a child. Pein nodded pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Tobi doesn't think girl-chan likes Kisame-san that's why she didn't give her name when he asked. Can Tobi go try?"

"NO!" Came eight shouts from the others.

"You stupid lollipop, she will kill you! Let Hidan go, he's the least likely to even get killed." Kakuzu suggested pointing to the albino that was looking at a statue of some sort of winged creature on the fireplace. It wasn't the statue that got him curious, it was the necklace around it: a skull with diamonds for eyes on a eight-point star.

"Eh!?" Hidan turned around and looked at Kakuzu. "If she fucking won't answer Kisame, what makes you fucking think she'll fucking answer me?!" He yelled, outraged that Kakuzu would just throw him to the dragon (Zea).

"SHE will not give her name to the likes of the Akatsuki." Came a small voice from the doorway. All the heads in the room turned to see a sight they could not believe. Zea standing there in just a towel, the other towel drying her hair. She stopped, her left arm coming into view, and just stood there. 3. 2. 1.

"GAAAHHH!" Hidan, Kisame and Tobi received nosebleeds, flying backwards into the couches, or in Kisame's case the wall. The rest of the Akatsuki (minus Itachi) stared at the blood on the floor in horror, waiting for Zea to start screaming at them. When no screaming came, the Akatsuki looked at Zea in question. She was staring at the blood, not in horror, just staring blankly at it. Though however, she wasn't moving or breathing which concerned Pein.

This actually gave the Akatsuki time to get a better look at her: a short girl with brown hair that reached her waist, brown eyes with little to zero emotion in them, pale skin, long and firm legs, skinny arms, strong neck, long eye lashes, cracked lips with a tear on the bottom one, big breasts (Hidan started drooling, when he got up again), strange long scars on her left arm from the pulse up, a bad case of acne and they couldn't see her curves because of the towel.

After just staring at the blood for ten long minutes, Zea turned and went to her room.

The Akatsuki just stared after her wondering if she was alright. "Why is girl-chan not shouting at us?" Tobi asked, cleaning some left-over blood off his mask with the sleeve of his cloak. The others just shrugged and looked at Hidan.

"I don't fucking know man!" Hidan shouted and went back to staring at the necklace he was looking at earlier, the girl stuck in his mind.

"She doesn't look very good in the health department." Kakuzu said as he remembered the scars, skinny arms and pale-ish skin. Zetsu nodded in agreement.

"Those scars on her arms, I wonder why they're there." Zetsu commented. That caught Hidan's attention because he didn't notice them.

"Fucking scars you say?" Hidan asked as he turned to look at Zetsu, then the hall, then the necklace he was looking at. Coming to a conclusion, the albino frowned and started pacing.

"What is it, Hidan?" Pein asked, he was growing more and more annoyed with the day. The albino was actually being serious for once, which made Kakuzu question his own sanity. Hidan suddenly stopped and hit himself in the head.

"She fucking cuts herself out of depression!" With each sentence Hidan hit himself. "She doesn't want to fucking feel the pain. That fucking girl has problems that concern her fucking emotions."

"That makes sense." Pein said as he went into thought. "She didn't give us her name, age, and told us to follow the rules she gave. Basically we're in a different world, and if we want to survive here until we can find a way back to ours, we have to stay here and-"

"And help her." Konan said, cutting Pein off. Pein glared at the blue haired woman next to him and continued his sentence, the rest of the Akatsuki (minus Itachi) waiting for orders.

"Yes, Konan, thank you. Now, Hidan, since you've figured out what is wrong, you will go talk to her."

"No fucking way!" Hidan yelled.

"And why not?" Pein asked, glaring.

"In case any of you haven't fucking noticed, she doesn't fucking like guys all too fucking much." Hidan said folding his arms in-front of his chest.

~with Zea~

She stepped into her room, still in a daze from seeing blood again since a week ago from when she saw her own, and started getting dressed for work. Forgetting completely about the weasel in the cage just 1 meter away from her wardrobe, Zea opened the door and pulled out her outfit of choice for work: a black leather jacket, white button-up shirt, light blue jeans with small rips on the knees, and high-heeled black-leather boots. After finishing drying her hair, Zea pulled off the towel (Itachi the weasel getting a nosebleed while staring at the naked girl with wide weasel-eyes) and started getting dressed, the incident with blood still fresh in her eyes.

"Blood...it's been a while since I've seen my own...maybe just a bit longer without it...just until I get home again..." Zea mumbled as old and new memories started flooding her mind. Painful, emotional memories. Ignoring each and every one of her memories, she finished getting dressed, grabbed her folder and black pen, and headed out the door, locking her room on the way out.

"I'm going out, don't follow me." Zea said so softly that the Akatsuki barely heard her. Her heels making a clicking sound as she went out the door, locking it and leaving the criminals alone.

~with the gods~

"She is so depressed..." Athena said as she watched the girl closely.

-one week later Friday-

A week, one solemn, sad, dark, scary week later the Akatsuki found themselves in the living-room of the small apartment, again. Since Monday the girl has been ignoring and avoiding them at all costs, leaving food for them in the mornings when she left to go to wherever it is she usually went to. But today was Friday, and she was still avoiding them.

Kisame was getting annoyed, Pein was grumpy (as per usual), Konan was bored, Kakuzu was broke (Zea took his money from him when he was sleeping on Tuesday morning), Zetsu was hungry, Tobi was for once not hyper (uh-oh), Hidan was thinking (oh gods...what now?), Deidara wanted to blow something up but feared that the girl would kill him and Itachi was still a weasel. So basically, everyone was bored as shit in a pile of daisies. How lovely.

"That's it! I've had enough of this girl, first she takes my money then she avoids us like the plague! I'm going to get answers out of her even if it kills me!" Kakuzu shouted heading for the front door, intent on finding the girl and getting answer, and possibly his money, out of her. He only got to open the door before he froze at it.

There, in front of him was the girl he was intent on questioning, and she was... crying. Zea just shoved past him, knocking the miser to the floor, and fled to her room. Moments of silence passed, no one made a move or noise since Kakuzu's outburst and the girl's fleeing.

Hidan was the first to speak, breaking the silence like a shattered glass. "What the fuck?! She was crying?!" The got everyone to start talking creating a ruckus, but that didn't last long as a crash was heard. Now dear readers, the Akatsuki have had experiences with crashes, and they didn't end well. So, the curious and furious Akatsuki set out to 'investigate' what could have possibly caused the noise.

~in Zea's room~

After running past Kakuzu and into her room, Zea threw down her bags from school and fell on her knees, letting tears flow freely down her already red face. "Why couldn't they just leave me alone? They saw I was not in any mood to deal with them. Why couldn't they leave me be for an hour? That's all I needed..." And now we get back to the weasel that has been forgotten about.

A creak and a crack and a bing-bang-boom and the weasel was a weasel again! (Weasel turned to Itachi.) Zea however, didn't notice this as she was in such a depressed state that she completely ignored the world around her. Itachi was just shocked and excited that he was human again.

"Excuse me?" Itachi said, but his words fell on deaf ears.

"They could have left me alone. Just for a day then they could start again. But no, I need to be bullied every second of the day. I can't handle everything..." Zea reached inside her jacket and pulled out a pencil sharpener, plus an old roll of bandages. Itachi looked at the items with curiosity, but turned his attention back to the girl on the floor. She had taken off her blazer, that's when he first noticed them, the scars. Sure Itachi had seen her without clothes for a week, but he never had a chance to get a good look at her.

"Girl, answer me, stop what you're doing and answer me." Itachi said sitting in front of her holding her by the wrists, Sharingan activated. Zea's face lifted to look at him and he saw, with his Sharingan, the sorrow and pain in her eyes. Cheeks swollen red from tears and eyes red, Zea smiled a small, sad smile and collapsed into Itachi's arms, unconscious.

Itachi just sat there not knowing what to do, then he heard a knock on the door followed by a voice he hadn't heard in a while. "Hey girl, the fuck are you doing in there? Open this fucking door or I swear I'll break it down!" Came Hidan's loud voice from the other side. Itachi picked the girl up gently and placed her on the bed, moving to open the door for Hidan.

~On the other side of the door~

The Akatsuki (minus Itachi) stood outside the door waiting for it to be opened. Then it came, the door was unlocked and it opened to reveal none other than Itachi himself.

"Hidan, please be quiet, the girl is sleeping." He turned to Pein. "We need to talk." Pein stepped into the room and Itachi closed the door, leaving the other stunned member to figure out what the fuck they just saw.

~In the room~

Itachi moved to sit on the bed while Pein just stood by the door. "Itachi, where have you been? Why is she unconscious? What the hell is going on?!" Pein yelled, frustrated. Itachi held a finger to his lips to silence the leader when Zea stirred.

"First let me ask, what is her name?"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/N: That's it for this chappie, anyway. I hope you like the cliffhanger!

R&R


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Rephrase that question would ya?

A/N: YES!

Akatsuki: What?

I have a wonderful reviewer on my side, you're all so screwed! *evil cackle*

Akatsuki: Isn't that a bit harsh?

No, it is essential that I do what I'm going to in this chapter.

Itachi: Well now that I'm not a weasel anymore, thank the gods, I can stop you.

Not if I throw in someone from your past! XD

Itachi: You wouldn't *glares*

Oh just try me weasel-san. *grins*

Itachi: READ AND ENJOY! *starts running*

Disclaimer: I own Zea. And that's that.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Last chapter: "First let me ask, what is her name?"

Present.

Pein stared at Itachi for a second before slamming his palm to his forehead. "She didn't give me her name. All information we have about her is that she's a depressive teenager with very bad control over her emotions." He muttered, turning to leave when a voice caught his attention.

"My... name?" Zea asked from the bed, drowsy and with her eyes squinted. She sat up slowly, rubbing her eye for a bit before she sighed. "It's Zea, Zea Hattingh. And I'm 16. Before you ask more questions, shut up, I'm trying to sleep." The two Akatsuki present just stared at her. Before they could blink she'd fallen asleep again, sitting up, her head dropping down with a crunch. Itachi stared at the girl who'd just given them her name and age, something in his stomach making him uneasy.

Pein stared for a few more seconds before giving in. "What the hell was that? Stupid woman!" He yelled throwing his hands in the air and leaving the room. He only reached the door before he was thrown against the wall with such force that he could feel a headache from hell forming. Pein looked up from his spot on the floor to see dark brown eyes ringed in red glaring at him.

Zea hissed at Pein like a little kitten. "I am not stupid you fucking asshole. I am the smartest person out of everyone here, and Itachi does not count because he himself is a fucking moron." She spat at both males in her room before stomping out to get herself a cup of coffee, not even bothering to apologize for her words or slamming the door in poor Kisame's face when she left.

~outside before the commotion~

"Well, what do you think Itachi was doing in there?" Kisame asked Hidan as the others were busy with their own conversations. The albino scratched his head a bit then shrugged.

"The question is, how'd he get there in the first place? And where was he this whole time?" Kakuzu said from the couch opposite the two. They turned to look at him.

"Makes sense if you think about it..." Deidara mumbled. Tobi started bouncing on his spot on the floor (the couches were full).

"Tobi knows! Tobi knows where Itachi-san was!" He jumped up and did a happy dance (how humiliating, someone kill the fucker). "Remember the weasel we saw on our first day here? That was Itachi-san!" The Akatsuki present contemplated what the idiot just told them.

"Itachi's name does mean weasel...but that still doesn't explain why he wasn't here." Kisame said while looking at the hall where his partner-in-crime was located. They heard a crash...

"I'm not fucking going to look this fucking time!" Hidan said immediately, going to stand next to the rest of the Akatsuki at the kitchen. Funny how ninja can be scared of a little crash (I don't blame them, nothing good ever comes from the ones they hear at that place). All except Kisame.

"Why me?" Kisame muttered going to check what the problem was, he just got to the door when it was slammed into his face (I do not feel sorry for that). "Gy fuging gnose!" He yelled holding it and stumbling backwards as the cause of it stepped out of the room. Zea barely spared him a glance before walking to the kitchen at an alarming pace.

"Get the hell out of my way, I want my fucking coffee!" Zea yelled pushing past the Akatsuki and making it into the kitchen. She ripped (not lightly I'm mean literally) the cupboard door off and threw it on the ground. Reaching for her cup she froze. "Fucking fish, I still have to turn him into sushi for that." She mumbled taking out a blue cup, putting it on the counter and turning on the kettle. Not doing anything else but standing there, Zea began to think about the past week's events or just everything that happened in general.

The Akatsuki stood by the kitchen door, more like peaking around the corner just in case she would attack them. A wind blew through the living-room window, carrying with it the smell of sweets. The scent reached Zea's nose, making her stiffen.

"Who touched my sweets?" She asked in a voice almost inaudible to the ninja ears. Just from the sound of her voice they could tell that a member of theirs would lose a limb (or a few) very, very soon. "I asked you a question." She stated in a voice that was overly calm for someone who was now named a hotheaded-bitch, turning piercing eyes onto the heads that she could see. Within a moment they landed and narrowed onto one little idiot boy in particular. A wicked, evil, sadistic grin spread across her face making the Akatsuki shrink back and pushing the one victim before the deadly wolf. "So it was you, ey Tobi? What did I say about touching my sweets?" Zea said lowly, advancing on her soon-to-be prey. The 'prey' was frozen in fear before the girl. "Close the door dears, you don't want to see this." She said with a smile.

The door to the kitchen was closed and locked a moment later, and the look on Zea's face turned calm, almost like she had authority over the situation. She turned to the kettle as it finished boiling and poured in sugar and coffee into the cup along with water, walking to the fridge she poured in milk.

"Girl-chan is not going to kill Tobi?" Said person asked as the girl before him leaned against the counter, slowly sipping at her coffee.

"No, Madara, at least not yet." Zea said staring at her coffee like it was a potion that would give her patience (trust me when I say that coffee does that). Tobi's eye narrowed behind the mask. "You can glare all you want, Uchiha, we're going to talk, or more I'm going to talk and you are going to listen. I could care less if you killed me after our talk, but just inform the other of it if you do. Now sit and shut your trap." She ordered without looking him in the eye, or even at him.

"Fine, but I want to ask a few questions first." Tobi/Madara demanded as he sat on one of the chairs in the kitchen (the only chair actually). Zea shrugged.

"I don't give a shit anyway, just make it quick, I've got other things to do." She said in a bored tone. Madara glared at her again before he started.

"What is your name?"

"Zea Hattingh."

"How do you know mine?"

"That is none of your business." Madara stood abruptly, slamming his hand down on the table.

"You have some nerve ordering me around, little girl." Madara snarled.

"Break it and you will pay for it, with money or your life I don't care. And I have a backbone that can handle it." Zea said glaring into the mask hole. Madara sat back down and continued with his questions.

"Where are we?"

"In my home, in a different dimension." She held up her finger to silence him. "No more questions, now you listen. You were brought here for a reason only the gods know of, and to me for that same reason. You are all S-rank missing-nin but that is of no use in this world. I am not a weak human like you think just because I show emotion. I get enough of being called weak by people I know. My name is as it is, just a name, not a status or anything special. Nor am I. But if you try to break me I swear you will meet Hades in the underworld." She glared and took a sip from her coffee before continuing. "Pein, Itachi, you and Kisame are all top priority at the moment because of your strength and what you can do. I know Pein ordered all of you to protect and look after me, but that is not necessary because I can look after myself.

You may look at yourself as the leader, but in this world you are just a figment of some writer's imagination. I do not like you or the way you betrayed Konoha for revenge. I know things about you that other ninja would kill me for, namely Kakashi Hatake. However, this does not even scare me because I would gladly welcome death right now rather than be here talking to you. I do, much to my distaste, like two of the members of your organization but do not wish to be connected to them. Hidan is a jerk and deserves to be roasted in the flames of hell for killing Asuma, while Kakuzu I have no problems with. I also have a nasty greed for money and would like to keep it that way. Deidara should keep his hands to himself and not try to blow up my apartment in the next few minutes, he looks like a girl and sounds like one. Zetsu should be a salad for what he's going to do in the upcoming war against Konoha. Konan I have no problems with either, but Pein is a pain in my ass and I would like nothing more than to set the male straight and beat the godly-shit out of him. Kisame is going to be sushi within the next month or so because he broke my coffee mug, and Itachi is a moron." She took a breath and another sip from her coffee, looking Madara in the eye again. "I do not want to tell you anything else, but if you want to look into my memories of why I am the way I am, be my guest. Though I do not think you should for long because you are at the moment draining your chackra by placing me under a genjutsu that has no effect on me because I have no chackra to manipulate." Madara glared at the girl for out smarting him, she just ignored the glare. "I have something to show you." Zea turned and put her coffee down so that she could show him her arms fully.

"I've already seen those, they don't mean anything." Madara said as he stared at the long, ugly scars covering Zea's arms.

"Oh but they do mean something. And you had better listen closely. These are not just scars, Madara, they are a reminder that I'm alive and on this fucking planet. They also are a release from the emotions I feel, the pain I go through every day while being alive. They give me life and a sort of joy when I cause this physical pain on myself. Until you guys showed up I was almost happy to die right on that day when I returned from school, but yes you all showed up and I had to make it my responsibility that you weren't exposed to the world because of who and what you are. That in itself is a burden on my energy and emotions. Though I can be sure now that you can look after yourselves because Itachi is his human form once again and that you've been studying me enough with that Sharingan to know what not to do." Zea took her cup and something else off the counter before turning to Madara and heading towards the kitchen door. "I am not weak, only fragile. But this is your punishment for touching what is mine." She said stopping next to Madara, bringing her arm back and in on quick motion so that the blade wouldn't dissolve through him, she stabbed the broad bladed knife into the shinobi's chest, barely a ball-hair away from his heart but puncturing his lung. Madara screamed in agony and clutched at his chest. Zea twisted the knife before pulling it out and leaving the kitchen, taking the bloody knife with her. She laughed in a maniacal way as the screams echoed around the small apartment, gaining every ninja's attention.

~During the long speech in the kitchen~

"What are they doing in there? I don't hear any screaming." Kisame said holding toilet paper under his nose after Kakuzu fixed it for him. Itachi and Pein had joined them not long after the girl entered the kitchen.

"I take it she found out about Tobi stealing some of her sweets." Pein said from his place on one of the couches. Everyone nodded with a sort of excitement that made Itachi wonder what the hell was going on. "She shouldn't hurt him too badly, he just forgot about what she said is all." He said again holding his side as it started to hurt from when Zea kicked him. "Dammit, I think she broke a rib with that kick she gave me."

"Why did she kick you?" Kakuzu asked as he moved to check that Pein had indeed broken a rib. "And your rib is broken, two of them actually." Pein cursed under his breath and then straightened out his back to explain.

"Leader-sama called her stupid." Itachi explained instead because Pein was in a lot of pain as it was. "She kicked him into a wall and also called me a moron, I understand why though." Kisame gave him a look but didn't bother asking because he already knew.

"Well you are a moron It-" BAM! Deidara's sentence/insult was cut short when the slamming sound came from the kitchen.

"Finally! She's finally mutilating the bloody idiot!" Kisame cheered from his spot on the couch (oh Kisame if only you knew the irony of what you just said to be true). The others joined him in cheering but they soon fell silent as no more sounds came from the kitchen. A long eery silence followed until a person popped up in the middle of the living-room.

"My, my, my, she is getting violent these days." The person/thing said as it surveyed the room and Akatsuki.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" Pein growled as everyone took a fighting stance.

"No need to fight me, jeez. I'm just here to talk about Zea and inform two of you of something. As for who I am... I am a god, a Greek myth per say and my name is Hades." The person, now known as Hades said moving to sit between Itachi and Kisame. "Move up a bit, sharky, you're taking up space here." Hades snapped trying to squeeze himself into the small space. Kisame glared at the nickname but moved nonetheless.

The Akatsuki sat down again, but slowly and carefully as if this person would harm them. "So you wanted to say something?" Konan asked in a sweet voice.

Hades nodded and closed his eyes, his expression turning serious. "Well first I should tell you is that the girls' name is Zea Hattingh-" He looked at Pein and Itachi, knowing that they already knew that, "-she is a sixteen year old girl who takes the world too seriously. She obeys orders and loves, literally, scaring the shit out of people." A few Akatsuki who knew of this cringed. "She is a feisty little hothead and has a really bad temper when someone calls her stupid." His look was directed towards Pein whose head dropped in defeat, holding his now bandaged chest. "She likes inflicting pain on herself, be it emotional, mental or physical. Though she enjoys the physical pain too much for my taste, she is a good girl and looks innocent to the world around her. They fall for that, thinking she is weak, but let me tell you that that little girl is anything but weak or stupid." Hades took a deep breath before continuing his speech. "Zea is...lost you could say. She lives at this moment only for her schoolwork, nothing else. She has no one to really care for and no one cares for her. Those scars you saw on her-" Eight wide eyes glanced at the kitchen door, waiting, for something to come and get them, "-she hasn't been doing that all her life, she only started that about middle of last year and now she wants to embrace death. She isn't scared of anything, not death, not ninja, not gods. She might tell you that she doesn't mean anything to this world, and she is correct." Itachi's head snapped around to glare at Hades when he said that. "Now, listen closely. She has been bullied all her life, by friends, family and enemies. For the past year she hasn't had any friends, none. When her last friend left and she had no one to talk to about the bullying, she turned to cutting herself. Today is an example of what happens when she doesn't have any control left of her emotions. She made it a point that seeing her own blood calms her into a trance that lasts a couple of weeks, but now..." Hades stopped his speech and hung his head. The Akatsuki were staring at the god as if he was nuts, dude I can tell you now he IS nuts.

"Well? What were you going to say?" Kisame asked hesitantly as they heard a sort of creak from the floor. Hades looked at him and smiled.

"She is going to try and kill you in a few months, Kisame Hoshigaki. And as for you, Itachi Uchiha, I suggest you make her open up to either of you before she does what she should have done today before you stopped her. Never ask her what happened in her past, never order her around, because she does not take orders from people who lie to get their way, also...do not, under any circumstances, be the cause of her crying. I and all the other 124 gods will come and remove you from the face of existence if you do. Because seeing her cry is like...like..." He stopped, not being able to describe it.

Itachi had seen her crying and knew what the god was talking about. "It's like all the happiness in the world disappears when you look into her eyes, like you can see her heart and soul breaking." He whispered, remembering how broken her soul looked from the depths of chocolate he still saw every time he closed his eyes.

"Yes, like that exactly. But now, I must be off." Hades said as he stood and dusted his rusty iron pants. He was almost about to disappear when he remembered something. Turning to face them again he said: "Her eyes are the daggers that can pierce your heart, her hands the weapons to inflict your pain, her heart a card in a deck you have to find. Be careful, because when she steps out of that kitchen in a minute, you will be terrified of the state she will be in. Do not go near her, but do not let her leave. She must sleep, and tomorrow, she will be better." And with that, the god of the underworld disappeared in a flash of light.

There was a moments silence while everyone contemplated what they had just heard.

"No wonder she gives me the creeps." Kisame said, a cold shiver running up his spine.

"No wonder she made those rules for us to follow." Pein said as his side hurt a little more from breathing too hard. As Hades said, not a minute later, they heard such a blood curling scream that made them all freeze. The kitchen door opened and what they saw didn't just terrify them, it petrified them.

Zea held a bloody knife in her hand with a look that said 'play play play with the knife, play play play with a knife, cut them up into bits'. The clothes she'd been wearing was now stained with blood: a blue school uniform that consisted of a navy-blue skirt, stockings and a light blue shirt.

The scream came again and Zea started laughing, softly at first, but then her voice grew and she was left laughing like a crazed maniac while she went to the bathroom to clean up.

"What the hell did she do?" Everyone said at the same time while going to see what exactly she had done to Tobi. The kitchen floor was covered in blood where Tobi sat, and the same person was gripping his chest trying to close the hole.

"H-h-help Tobi. I-i-it h-h-hurts." Said person pleaded as he coughed up blood.

"Kakuzu." Pein said quickly.

"Yes, I know, I'm on it." Kakuzu grumbled, his threads moving quickly to turn Tobi over so he could see the damage. Needless to say they all nearly threw up at the whole they saw, but being ninja they kept the vomit in.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/n: and that is it for the third chapter! I nearly fell asleep writing it, but anyway...

Tobi/Madara: That fucking hurt you know.

Yes, yes I do. But hey, you stole my sweets *glares* it's less punishment than what I would have done to you.

Akatsuki: please review before she murders us! *pleading eyes*

I don't think they will. Now march ya schallywags! Swab the deck, hoist the main sail and weigh the anchor! Make sail for Konoha!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: The naked truth is better than the best dressed lie.

A/N: *gets handed script* oh great...

Akatsuki: What now?

Well you see... Um... Just read and find out. I'll spoil it now if I tell you.

Disclaimer: I own Zea. That's that.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

~the gods~

"She is getting out of hand!" Zeus yelled.

"She is not!" Athena retorted. "She is just insecure!"

"Well she sure as my home wasn't when she stabbed Madara." Hades laughed. The other gods glared at him. "Hey! He deserves it!" He whined.

"Fine, but I still think she is getting out of hand." Zeus said. "Anyone up for a vote?"

"What's it about?" Poseidon questioned, uncertain that he even wanted to hear by the look that Zeus gave Hades.

"Just a vote to see if she should go to the bar tonight and drink till she throws up like she planned or not." Hades said. Almost instantly the replies came.

"NO!" 53.

"YES!" 56.

"HELL YES!" 16.

"And off to the bar she goes!" Hades chortled with laughter, rolling off his chair in the process.

"Bunch of idiots I tell you." Cupid muttered to himself. "Okay zip it!" He yelled, for a little guy he had a very loud voice, gaining all the gods' attention. "Now, we know she is unstable, mentally speaking, but I've already planted the little seed of love in Itachi and Kisame. I think that the Uchiha will succeed, but you never know, she might just reject both of them." The little god took a deep breath and continued. "However, if she doesn't get connected to one of them soon, I might have to make someone else appear to melt her frozen heart." The sadistic grin that appeared on Cupid's face made all the gods get an uneasy feeling in their stomach. "Oh and she is going to the bar, whether we make her go or not."

~with the other guys~

Zea sat in her room, she had just attacked a person, Tobi to be exact. "Why shouldn't I have attacked him? He took my sweets." She muttered bitterly, taking off her bloodied clothes and changing into slack black cargo pants and a black wife-beater top. She stood for a bit thinking. "Why hide them anymore? They already know." She grumbled, grabbing her hoodie and slipping it on before sitting at her desk.

Meanwhile, the Akatsuki had just saved Tobi, well Kakuzu saved him... But that's not the problem. They sat in the living-room going over what the god had told them about half an hour ago.

 **"She just needs sleep..."**

That's what the god had said, but none of them believed him. In-fact, they were wondering why she was so unstable in the first place.

"Ya know, I don't think she means any harm, yeah." Deidara said, thoughtful look on his face. (OMG, he's thinking, and we forgot about him... lalalalalala)

"I'm going to talk to her." Itachi said as he stood up, heading for the room.

"I'm coming with ya!" Kisame shouted, following the weasel to the room, and probably to his doom.

Meanwhile, Zea was organizing her room once again. After that was done she took out her laptop and started typing. Low-and-behold, she was typing away at her keyboard at such a speed that it was hard to follow what she was typing. (And to make it worse, she is typing the rules… oh my.) She didn't stop for a second, not even when her door cracked open and two heads poked inside.

"Unless you have urgent business with me, get out of my room." Zea snapped, finishing the rules for the Akatsuki to follow. Kisame hesitated, but stepped into the room when Itachi shoved him a bit.

"We just want to talk." Itachi said, holding his hands up to show that he meant no harm. Zea sighed and shut off her laptop, turning her seat so that she faced the two.

"About what?" Zea suddenly got a memory and clutched at her arm, the pain from her grip making the memory go away.

Both members looked uneasy and Kisame a little queasy. "Why are you like this..." Both muttered.

Zea sighed, examining her arm as the memory she just shoved back came into her mind with memorial-fury. "Sit. This will take a while." She motioned towards the bed and folded her arms over her chest, not wanting to deal with hitting something and breaking it.

"So why...?" Kisame started, but couldn't finish.

"Five years ago, that is when it started." Zea said in a voice so cold that she herself just wanted a drink to forget any of this ever happened. 'Note to self, go to bar in the next two hours.'

"When what started?" Itachi inquired as he slowly sat down, tilting his head to the side a bit.

"Shut up and I might continue." Zea snapped and glared at him. "That is when the bullying started to get worse. I don't know why they bullied me in the first place, and they never told me either. On my birthday I was never happy, I just sulked, knowing that I was a year older and still alive. I was jealous of the people that died. If they can die young, why can't I? What makes me so special that I have to suffer living rather than dying?" She took a deep breath and continued. "November 5 2014, the day I just shut down and gave up."

 **November 5 2014.**

 **A normal day, you could say, Zea woke up. She was happy to be alive (for now...). She had friends, family and a boyfriend! Who wouldn't be happy? Her grades were high and she was the top student you could find in this day and age. There was however, a small, tiny problem. Zea has mental issues. If she can't break it, she will just ignore it 'till it goes away. So when she got out of bed, a pain spread from her left hand, right into her heart. Her eyes grew hard. "So... It's today? Time to change back to my old self." She muttered, bringing her cheery mood back, just to fool everyone into a sense of security.**

 **When she reached school, paranoia struck like a tidal wave. She was twitching while chatting happily to her friend, though the 'friend' didn't notice anything off about her. 'Good, that means it's working.'**

 **The day passed by, until the bell for second-break sounded and Zea rushed out of class, her paranoia making her think and run fast towards the bathrooms.**

 **"This is it Zea." She whispered to herself. "The day you say goodbye." She started a mantra in her head: "break or leave, hurt and be hurt, trust leaves you deceived, don't trust anyone. They will hurt you." With that she left the bathroom.**

 **"Hey, Zea! Wait up!" Called a boy from behind as she jogged to the small shop selling sweets, fully intending to buy herself enough to cause a sugar-high.**

 **"Yo, Gian, what 'cha want?" Zea asked as she asked the lady for 3 energy bars (lord help us).**

 **"I need to talk to you..."**

 **"About?" Zea felt a bit of pain behind her rib cage where her heart was supposed to be. She knew what was coming.**

 **"About us... You see, it's not working anymore..."**

 **"Oh. Well, then leave my sight please, before I hurt you." Zea said in a dead voice, paying the lady at the shop, taking her candy and walking away like a robot void of emotion.**

 **"Wait!" The boy, Gian, called out, but Zea didn't stop, she kept walking. "Zea! Don't you even want to know why I'm breaking up with you?!" He yelled running after her. Gian came about two inches behind her when she stopped, making him crash into her.**

 **"No, I don't. Because I already know." Zea said, her voice cold, her heart broken beyond repair, and she herself a broken doll. Gian sat on the ground, watching as she turned around to look at him with dead eyes. "You hate me, I annoy you, you despise me, you think I'm weird, you think I don't belong, you think I'm insane. Guess what boy," she started snarling like an angry kitten, "everyone hates me, I don't belong, I AM WEIRD, I am insane, but most of all I AM DEAD!" She screamed in his face and before he could blink, her fist had connected with his face, knocking him out on impact. "Stupid, pathetic human." She spat and walked off, leaving the scene, as well as her happiness, behind her.**

 **"Ooooo the fairy is pissed!" Came a taunting voice to her left. Zea froze. "Awww, is the little girl sad? Did someone chop down her tree?" The voice continued. The gears in her head were slowing, bringing reality crashing down on her inch-by-agonizing-inch, until she snapped. "Poor fairy, she is mad because so-" The voice stopped. Zea had punched the kid in the throat.**

 **"You were saying?" She asked calmly, looming over the boy as he held his throat, trying to breath.**

 **"Fucking crazy bitch!" He yelled, scrambling to stand then sprinting away as fast as possible. The whole area had cleared within a one-mile radius, leaving Zea in the spotlight.**

 **Slowly, soft laughter started to fill the space, growing louder with each passing second. Growing more crazed than ever. Zea stood in the middle of the circle, laughing.**

 **"I'M CRAZY! I'M A BITCH! I'M DEAD!" Zea yelled, laughing all the way to class.**

-Now-

"I don't get it." Kisame said flatly, staring at the girl with a blank look. Zea's head snapped up.

"And you never will. You will never understand the pain I went through everyday before and after that. No one will save me, no one can save me. I have to die in order for the world to be happy." She said with venom, standing from her chair and leaving before she could be questioned on what the fuck it was she meant. The only thing on her mind is getting alcohol in her system.

Itachi just sat there, the gears in his head slowly turning, his mind connecting invisible dots until he figured it out. "Kisame..." He whispered.

"Yeah?" Kisame said, a little uneasy.

"Let's get out of the room before she comes back, I have a feeling she won't be in any mood to see us."

"Ya know what, that's the most I've heard you speak, as in ever." Itachi sent Kisame a glare before swiftly exiting the room, the shark following after with a sulking face.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/N: and that's a rap! See ya next time!

*whisper* oh and my reviewer, please review, my life sucks right now.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: alone? Not really.

A/N: I know I haven't been updating much lately, but I will try my best! Ooooooh, guest, I have the answers for your review!

My favorite Akatsuki and the reasons why are as follow:

Itachi Uchiha: Because he has the doujutsu of which I want the contact lenses, his name means weasel and he scurries around like one, he is breathtaking (although not enough to take mine away), he is cool, calm, collected and intimidating (like meeeeee!) And he is an idiot that I want to hit over the head.

Pein/Nagato: His ambitions and leadership get on my nerves, along with the fact that he thinks he's god, though he is nice in some aspects (not those you perverts!).

Konan: She is an angel, who wouldn't like her?

Sasori: Cool, collected, calm, intimidating and doesn't like to be kept waiting. My type of guy.

And that's it for them. Other bad guys? I would have to say Sasuke, because his hair looks like a ducks' ass, and that's all of them I think. I don't like Kisame that much to put him on the list because he stinks and is my least favorite food: fish.

Now enjoy and please review!

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~gods~

"I think-" Hades started but was interrupted by a shoe hitting him square in the face. Athena glared at him, note the bare foot.

"Don't even begin. It's you're fault this happened in the first place!" The Goddess of wisdom and military victory announced (now you see why the shoe hit?). Hades peeled the shoe off his face and continued.

"Anyway, as I was saying, we should bring that dead one back, he might be able to put-her-back-together." The god of the underworld (golden-curly-hair-and-all) said with a sparkle in his eyes.

"You mean Sasori of the Red sand?" Zeus questioned, Hades nodded in response. The almighty god thought for a moment. "Yes... Yes! That might just work! Good thinking brother!" And then came the part where it would bite Hades in the ass. "Go get him from your place then." Zeus said with a smug smile.

Hades groaned and slapped himself on the head. "I haven't thought of that! It's not fair!" He protested. Zeus shook his head and pointed to the underworld.

"Go. Now. And make it fast, she is leaving to go to the bar." Zeus commanded (she might just not go).

"Fine." Hades left, pouting face and arms crossed like a child, to get their wild-card of this insane game.

"Do you think he'll be back in time?" Cupid (I hate that little-pink-tutu-man) inquired, a chuckle was his reply. "I guess not."

~normal POV~

"Wallet stuffed with cash, check; leather jacket, check; fake I'd, check; knee-high high-heeled leather boots, check; idiot to take with not check." Zea whispered as she stood in her room, she scowled. "I'm not taking any of them with me, it just spells trouble."

"Fuck-yeah, no shit bitch." Came a voice that she didn't recognize. Zea turned to look at the intruder, finding Hidan standing there in his no-shirt (luckily not no-pants) glory. "Where the fuck are you off to bitch?" Hidan inquired, inspecting how she was dressed: looooong leather jacket, leather boots, denim skirt that reaches just past her knees, white button-up shirt, hair up in a ponytail and a angry look on her face.

"That is none of your business," Zea said whilst putting on a necklace with a single multi-colored stone on it, "now, what do you want, I'm busy."

Hidan contemplated her look for a second then grinned. "You're fucking going to a bar, I'd be very fucking happy if I could fucking come." Zea thought about it for a bit.

"I have a few conditions if you want to come with."

"Shoot."

"First: No killing unless I'm doing it. Second: Keep drunk idiots away from me. Third: you are allowed two drinks, three at maximum. Fourth: Stay close to me and don't wander off." And with that she grabbed something he couldn't see clearly. "Now, did you get all that?"

Hidan thought for a moment. "Fuck no."

"Then you aren't going anywhere." Zea said with a smirk. "Now get out of my room before I hurt you." She snapped and turned to her desk to grab a set of keys, not noticing that Hidan left. "I need what's coming tonight, and I'm not allowed to regret any of it." With a small, regretful smile, Zea exited her room.

Heading towards the main room, she heard something falling on the floor in the room she knew she herself hadn't entered in months.

Her eyebrows knotted in confusion. "What the heck? That room is strictly off limits to everyone on this planet." She grumbled and went to check anyway. What she found actually made her laugh for the first time in years. "Oh Ertjie, my little girl, where have you been for the past month?" A cat with grey-brown fur with black stripes, gold eyes flecked with blue and black, stared at her before jumping at her. "You little devil, where have you been hiding when all this happened?" The cat just purred at her and continued rubbing its head into her neck. "You must be hungry, let's get you some food." Zea said and walked out of the room, remembering to close and lock the door.

While she walked down the hall towards the kitchen, Ertjie began sniffing, knowing something was wrong. Her suspicions were confirmed when loud snoring could be heard from the living-room. Turning questioning eyes to Zea, the cat sniffed and purred some more.

"Yes, a lot has happened since you were last here. There are idiots here now." Zea said with disgust as she looked at the males, and girl, occupying her 'living-area' at the current time. Entering the kitchen she set her cat down and thought. "I think I ran out of tuna weeks ago. Guess it's going to be leftovers for you." With one turn Zea took out the last slice of ham (don't ask) from her refrigerator. Just as she was about to heat it up, she heard multiple screams from the living room. "Touch my cat and I will end your life!" She yelled, knowing that if she didn't warn them, that she would most likely have to kill them.

After heating the ham she diced it up and put it in a dish. Taking it with her, she entered the living-room. "Ertjie, food's ready." She called, not a second later did said kitty arrive, pouncing on the food as it was set on the floor.

A thick silence settled upon the living-room. Broken only when Tobi squealed in joy.

"KITTY!" Was what came out his mouth as he jumped towards the furry feline. His journey was cut short when his face met a very hard, very thick encyclopedia.

"Go near my cat again, Tobi, and you will never want to even hear the word 'feline' again." Said the voice behind the book.

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I updated long ago, sorry about that. I had 'problems' to deal with. One being my grampa and cat died. You have no idea how stressed I've been these last few months.

Anywho, please review.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: is this a joke?

A/N: hello? *echo of hello* is anybody there? *once again echo* where... Where did you all go? Akatsuki? Where are you?

Akatsuki: *chorus* the people you are looking for are not available at present, please try again later.

*sweatdrop* are you kidding me?

Akatsuki: *silent as death*

A special thanks to MajesticSkittles for reviewing, I will try my very best to put up the next update as soon as possible IF you review this chapter and the other 4 you missed *troll face*.

Oh well. On with the story then.

Disclaimer: I own myself? Does that count?

 _ **IMPORTANT NOTICE: READ BOTTOM AT AUTHOR'S NOTE VERY IMPORTANT IF YOU READ MY STORIES!**_

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Now, where was I last? Ooo yeah, kitty.

Akatsuki POV.

All they could do was stare. Stare at the girl, cat, encyclopedia and Tobi. Tobi's mask had broken on impact when Zea hit him.

"Now, anyone else want a book in the face?" Zea asked calmly, although her face showed pure evil. Everyone in the room shook their heads just as the cat, Ertjie, noticed that Tobi wanted to hug her. She growled at him and ran from the room.

Zea looked at where her cat went and sighed.

"Now look at what you've done, you scared my cat! Ugh, that's it, I'm getting a drink." And with that, Zea left the apartment, her cat following closely behind, and went straight to the nearest bar.

With Akatsuki.

The group of criminals just stared at the closed door before bursting out with laughter at what happened since 'Tobi' still had the thick book stuck on his face, except Itachi, Pein, Kakuzu and Sasori.

Wait.

SASORI?!

"Sasori! What the hell, un?! I thought you were dead!" Deidara screeched. Said person just stood in the middle of the room, looking lifeless as ever, but with REAL skin this time.

"I thought so too, brat, but I had one hell of a wake up." Sasori said, looking rather disgusted as he felt his dangly bits wiggle with the smallest of movement. "And is there any clothes here? Mine were burned off in hell." The others were disgusted when he pointed it out.

"Here." Itachi said as he threw his cloak at Sasori. "And you can keep it." (Well if you lent someone your cloak while they were naked, wouldn't you say the same? I would!)

"Thank you. So I don't suppose any of you know who a person named Hades is?" Sasori asked after finally getting something to cover his naked self. Pure silence greeted his question. "Oh, it seems you do."

More silence.

"So is that how you got here?" Pein finally asked from his seat (having broken ribs will hurt Pein, they put you in a lot of pain. Get it?).

"Yes... But that's not all. He warned me that I would be human again and that I would meet a very...strange girl here. Do any of you know about that?"

Sasori could've sworn he heard a cricket start to chirp before Tobi, although in pain, spoke.

"Sasori-san, you don't want to know what it is he was talking about."

"Why?" The former puppet inquired.

This time it was Zetsu who spoke. " **Because Leader, Kisame, Itachi and Tobi have suffered from her anger already** , even though they only did small things. **Tobi was stabbed** , and as you can see was recently hit with a book. Leader was kicked into a wall, **breaking two of his ribs**. Kisame was just in wrong place at wrong time and was hit in the face with a door, **breaking his nose**."

"Oh. May I ask why you guys were beaten by a measly little girl?" Sasori was not impressed. Famous criminals beaten by a little girl? There was just no fucking way.

"You should not have said that." Kisame whispered as the air around the room grew thick with venom. Evil laughter filled the space as...pink?...smoke appeared.

"Why Sasori, did we not warn you to watch what you say about her?" A small, yet powerful, voice came from the smoke.

"I have it on record, so yes, I believe we did." A deadly, rustic voice followed the small one.

"So what be his punishment boys? Death? Everlasting suffering? A quick bombing? Skinning (cut all his skin off slowly)? Drowning? Or shall you make him fall in love with her, Cupid?" A female voice joined the first two.

The Akatsuki face-palmed, but Sasori looked indifferent about the whole matter. Meaning that everything the voices said, didn't faze him.

"How about you let me actually meet her first, then you can punish me if my views don't change?" Sasori asked, still calm through all this, and started examining the room he was in. It was cleaner than anything he had ever seen before, even his skin looked dirty compared to the sqeaky-clean spider hanging in front of his face.

The voices stayed silent as they contemplated his offer. "We accept. But be warned, Sasori of the Red Sand, that we will remove you if you try to hurt her in any way." The female voice finally spoke. The smoke and tension disappeared in less than a second.

"I hate spiders." Sasori said as he reached up to grab the spider, as big as his hand, and squish it. He then turned to look at the front door when he heard a lock click. Completely forgetting about the, now crushed, in his hand.

"You troublesome males better not have broken anything or so help my slightly tipsy ass that I will cook you for dinner!" A slurry, yet female, voice came from the door as it opened fully to reveal a slightly drunk, young girl. She locked the door before turning to survey the room.

"You've been gone for about ten minutes, how did you get back so quickly?" Kakuzu asked.

The girl smirked at him. "I'm not telling you, because you might just lose a heart." She said and returned to surveying, stopping briefly to look at Sasori before walking to the kitchen. "I need an'the' drink." She slurred pulling out a bottle from a corner with a glass, the stamped 'Jack Daniels' on it making it valuable. "Honey JD's for me tonight." She turned to Sasori with a questioning gaze. "How big is that spider in your hand that you killed?"

A few seconds of silence...

"About the size of my hand." Sasori replied, quite confused at how odd she looked.

"Good, he was too big to live here then. Oh, my name is Zea. You wan' more info, ask those suckers o'er ther'." She said pointing to the, slightly, cowering Akatsuki. "You guys don't have to be scared when I've had alcohol, I'm calm." She added as an afterthought, going to sit in the one-seater couch and filling the glass about halfway.

Silence (more gawdawful silence?! Gaaaahhhh!)

"Tobi take that book off you face, I need it." Zea said as she sat back, sipping the golden liquid slowly.

The response was immediate. "But Tobi doesn't want to show his face!" The boy/man/thing screeched indignantly. Zea glared.

"Alcohol might calm me down, but you don't. So give me that fucking book, or suffer." She hissed. The book was in her lap a second after that. " Thank you. Now I've bought you a mask, so be very grateful to me." She said throwing a kitty mask at his face. Tobi slipped the mask on immediately. After that, more silence followed as Zea began flipping through the thick book on her lap.

"Well, this is definitely not what I expected." Sasori commented, moving towards the girl slightly to see what she was reading.

"You're joking right?" Kisame said while trying to sneak into the kitchen, he was hungry.

"Kisame, you go in there and I will hold up my end of the bargain." Zea said not even looking up from the book. The shark slumped his shoulders in defeat and went to stand next to Itachi again. "And I don't think it is a joke since Sasori is a very serious person." She looked up then, noticing that said person was standing in front of her. "And I think I've got some clothes you can wear. The squashing of you balls is irritating me." Standing up, she grabbed the poor guy by the arm and, slowly, took him to her room.

"Uhhhh..." Was all Sasori could say, being that he didn't understand anything at all.

When they passed Itachi, he mouthed the words 'don't struggle, it will only make it worse' to the highly confused boy. They entered the room and Sasori literally fell on his face in shock.

'This looks almost exactly like the room I had while I was alive, expect I had puppets and she has statues and books.' The puppet thought, surprised that the girl resembled him so much, only she was a girl and had brown hair where his was red.

Speaking of the girl, Zea as he remembered her name, she was busy digging in a closet, throwing all kinds of clothes on a black-sheeted bed.

"No. Probably. Eh...no. Maybe. Definitely. No chance in hell, but I want to wear it. And that's all." She then turned to Sasori as he stared at the mountain of clothes. "Take that cloak off so that I can see how small you are, idiot!" She suddenly shouted at him. Sasori's face immediately flared beet red at her abrupt statement which made Zea roll her eyes. "Fine, you can grab that towel to cover up you lower half. Meanwhile I'll get changed!" Was the cheery response.

"Is this a joke?" Sasori sqeaked.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/N: now that is a cliffhanger, or not. Don't know. Ooh yeah, the notice.

NOTICe: I might not be updating for a few months, my schedule is booked for a while. But I will try my best to update whenever I can! Teehee!

-bunny out!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: huh? I don't get it.

A/N: updates will take longer!

Akatsuki: huh?

There you guys are! You know I've been looking for you right?

Akatsuki: no...

Then where were you in the previous chapter?! *enraged*

Akatsuki: none of your business...

If you won't tell me...then I guess I just don't have a choice but to do THAT.

Akatsuki: oh crap. *runs*

*evil cackle* got ya, pay up Ares.

Ares: fuck, I thought they would be more used to this stuff by now. *hands over R6000*

Its the Akatsuki, they don't deal with teenage girls that have emotional problems. That's why I told you not to take the bet, but you did anyway because nobody listens to me.

Hades: now author, it wasn't her fault. She wasn't mentioned in the previous chapters so basically she wasn't here when all this started.

Yes, Hades, thank very much for mentioning that. But I have a question: why did Sasori's clothes burn off in hell?

Hades: *whispers reason in her ear*

Oooooooh! Well, then I'll mention it in this chapter, I think, don't know yet. Zeus!

Zeus: don't drag me into this!

No, not that, I'm calling the God of all gods to do the disclaimer for this chapter.

Zeus: *sarcastic* oh I'm so honored.

Just fucking do it already!

Disclaimer (Done by Zeus): the author doesn't own Naruto or the gods mentioned here. There, happy now?

Very, now shoooooooo! You aren't even in this chapter!

Zeus: then why the hell did I do the disclaimer?!

I'll tell you that in the next chapter.

Zeus: oh.

Enjoy~

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

~Hades' pov~

Well, going behind all the gods' backs might not have been the best idea...but I've got a great idea to funk up Zea a bit. Hehe.

"Hey, pssst, Bia, come here quick!" I harshly whispered to the goddess of force that was currently writing something 'don't ask me what the hell it is'.

"What is it now, Hades?" Bia asked. Well, to be honest, she kinda scares me.

"Can you get Ares for me? I need to have a little conversation with her. I have a plan. But, please, don't tell the others, especially not Cupid." I begged her. For five minutes on my knees. I'm telling you that by the time she nodded her head they were prepared to fall off. Literally. "Thank you! Cheers!" 'Now my plan can take action' I thought evilly as I went to check on my targets.

~Sasuke's pov~

I don't know what it is, but for the past two weeks it feels like something has been watching me. I was currently in the river cleaning after that awful attack on Team Hebi.

"Karin, I swear if it's you spying on me, I will cut off your head." I growled. Well...evil laughter wasn't on the list of things that Karin did when she spotted me, and it sounded like a male...

"You take forever to make a decision, Sasuke Uchiha." A cheery voice boomed behind me.

"What the-" I couldn't finish, because the person had a hand over my mouth.

"Shhhhht! I'm just kidnapping you for a few months, so shut up and don't make a sound." A young male hissed at me. Blonde curls, iron armor...what the hell was going on?! The person must've seen my panic, because he started speaking quickly while the world around me faded. "I'm Hades, a Greek god, I'm taking you out of here and putting you in another place to look after someone." And then I saw nothing more.

~Hades' pov~

"Well, that went better than expect." I whispered to myself as I placed THE Sasuke Uchiha, mind you he is naked because I took him while he was taking a bath, in a cage in my home, A.K.A: Hell.

"Now, for the next one before news spreads. This is such a pain. When is Ares getting here?"

"Yes, Hades?"

"Speak of the devil and she shall appear." I muttered. "Oh good, you're here. Now, umm, Ares, I have a favor to ask." I said trying to look innocent.

"What is it?" The goddess of chaos asked as she narrowed her multi-colored eyes at me.

"Can you, over two days, create a bit of chaos in the throne room where everyone is? I've got a plan, but I need the other gods distracted for about two hours. Could you do it?" Have you ever imagined a god with puppy eyes and begging? Don't, it really is embarrassing.

"I'll think about it." Ares said, leaving me to just stand there with an open mouth.

"Ares, you are a bitch."

~back with Zea and Sasori 3rd pov~

Sasori couldn't believe it. Here was this girl practically forcing him to take off the only covering he's got and exchange it for a small towel? That's fucking embarrassing!

"Sasori, strip, now." Zea ordered. The male had waited 'till she was busy changing clothes to try and make an escape.

"Fuck." Sasori muttered under his breath.

"I mean it, Sasori. Unless you want me to undress and dress you." She warned.

"Fine!" Sasori shouted and went to the bathroom to get a towel like she had asked.

When he came back, everything went so fast he got whiplash. Underwear (boys underwear mind you) was shoved onto his bottom, kaki cargo pants followed. Next a shirt was on for a second before being ripped off and replaced with another.

Finally, finally she was done dressing him up like a ragdol (does anybody get the irony in this sentence?). Sasori was dressed in really ugly pants and a pink button-up shirt (oh trust me, I'm laughing my ass off for that).

Apparently he didn't like the shirt, because... "why the hell am I wearing a pink shirt?!" He roared. Zea stopped packing away the other clothes to answer him.

"Because my white ones are in the wash. Deal with it, or you could walk around shirtless like Hidan and be ignored for your entire stay here." She shrugged and continued her task of hanging up each and every article of clothing (I do that, do you know how long that takes if you've got a lot of clothes? Fucking long).

"Fuck my life."

~meanwhile with the rest of the Akatsuki~

"Do you guys think that was all just an illusion? I mean, Sasori in dead and Zea couldn't be back yet!" Kisame said as his stomach growled.

"Good point, but we're all hungry so we all could've just imagined it." Kakuzu said.

"When last did she give us food, un?" Deidara groaned from his place on the couch.

"Too long if you guys are hanging around like rags in my opinion." A new voice said from the kitchen.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

A/N: I said I would post, well actually I promised someone I would. And I keep my promises.

So how did you all like the cliffhanger and Sasuke being kidnapped while taking a bath?

Leave a review on your way out!


	8. Chapter 8

IMPORTANT!

If you have read this story and not left a comment in a review! Comments are inspiration! Do not miss out on them!

This story will from now on be discontinued, unless someone reviews to bring it back to life.

Have a nice day.

Yours sincerely

JumpingBunny23


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